♟️ Schach KLOTZTEn — The Official Rules

1. The Goal

You still have to checkmate the enemy king.

However, the game is not considered a victory unless the winning player also says:

„KLOTZTEN!“

within 5 seconds of the checkmate.

2. The KLOTZ

Every player gets one special piece called the Klotz.

• The Klotz moves exactly one square in any direction.
• It cannot capture.
• It cannot be captured.
• If a piece tries to capture it, that piece must instead move backward one square.
• The Klotz may stand on occupied squares.
• Two Klotze may occupy the same square and are then considered “Klotz-Brüder.”

3. Klotzenschlag

Once per game, you may shout “KLOTZENSCHLAG!”

Every piece on a square adjacent to your Klotz is immediately moved one square away from it.

The king is not allowed to be moved by Klotzenschlag.

4. The Angry Pawn

Whenever a pawn reaches the fifth rank, it becomes angry.

An angry pawn:

• moves two squares forward,
• can capture backwards,
• and is worth 7 points instead of 1.

5. The Completely Normal Bishop

The bishop behaves normally.

Except that every time it captures something, the player must make a “pew pew” sound.

Failure to do so means the capture is cancelled.

6. Horse Law

Knights are legally classified as horses.

If a knight captures the queen, the player must say:

„Mein Pferd!“

If the opponent says „Nein!“ before them, the capture is reversed.

7. The Emergency Rook

Once per game, a rook may activate Emergency Mode.

It can then move anywhere on the board in one move.

Afterward, it is permanently renamed Gerhard.

8. King Panic

If your king is placed in check, you may yell:

“PANIK!”

You then have exactly three seconds to move any legal piece.

If you cannot escape check, you lose.

9. Queen Tax

Every time the queen captures a piece, you must give your opponent one imaginary euro.

If you cannot afford it, your queen becomes a bishop for one turn.

10. Castling

Castling is allowed normally.

But you must announce:

„UMZUG!“

before moving.

If you forget, the king and rook swap their starting positions instead.

11. The KLOTZTEn Rule

At any moment during your opponent's turn, you may point at the board and say:

„Das ist aber ziemlich geklotzt.“

Your opponent must then explain why their last move was strategically correct.

If their explanation is bad, they lose one Klotz Point.

12. Winning

You win by:

• checkmating the king, and
• shouting “KLOTZTEN!”

If both players checkmate each other's kings simultaneously, the game is declared a:

KLOTZ-KATASTROPHE

and nobody wins.