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1		-1. (((
2		-= ♟️ Schach KLOTZTEn — The Official Rules =
3		-
4		-=== 1. The Goal ===
5		-
6		-You still have to **checkmate the enemy king**.
7		-
8		-However, the game is not considered a victory unless the winning player also says:
9		-
10		->**„KLOTZTEN!“**
11		-
12		-within 5 seconds of the checkmate.
13		-
14		-=== 2. The KLOTZ ===
15		-
16		-Every player gets one special piece called the **Klotz**.
17		-
18		-* The Klotz moves exactly **one square in any direction**.
19		-* It cannot capture.
20		-* It cannot be captured.
21		-* If a piece tries to capture it, that piece must instead move backward one square.
22		-* The Klotz may stand on occupied squares.
23		-* Two Klotze may occupy the same square and are then considered **“Klotz-Brüder.”**
24		-
25		-=== 3. Klotzenschlag ===
26		-
27		-Once per game, you may shout **“KLOTZENSCHLAG!”**
28		-
29		-Every piece on a square adjacent to your Klotz is immediately moved one square away from it.
30		-
31		-The king is not allowed to be moved by Klotzenschlag.
32		-
33		-=== 4. The Angry Pawn ===
34		-
35		-Whenever a pawn reaches the fifth rank, it becomes **angry**.
36		-
37		-An angry pawn:
38		-
39		-* moves two squares forward,
40		-* can capture backwards,
41		-* and is worth **7 points** instead of 1.
42		-
43		-=== 5. The Completely Normal Bishop ===
44		-
45		-The bishop behaves normally.
46		-
47		-Except that every time it captures something, the player must make a **“pew pew”** sound.
48		-
49		-Failure to do so means the capture is cancelled.
50		-
51		-=== 6. Horse Law ===
52		-
53		-Knights are legally classified as **horses**.
54		-
55		-If a knight captures the queen, the player must say:
56		-
57		->**„Mein Pferd!“**
58		-
59		-If the opponent says **„Nein!“** before them, the capture is reversed.
60		-
61		-=== 7. The Emergency Rook ===
62		-
63		-Once per game, a rook may activate **Emergency Mode**.
64		-
65		-It can then move anywhere on the board in one move.
66		-
67		-Afterward, it is permanently renamed **Gerhard**.
68		-
69		-=== 8. King Panic ===
70		-
71		-If your king is placed in check, you may yell:
72		-
73		-**“PANIK!”**
74		-
75		-You then have exactly **three seconds** to move any legal piece.
76		-
77		-If you cannot escape check, you lose.
78		-
79		-=== 9. Queen Tax ===
80		-
81		-Every time the queen captures a piece, you must give your opponent **one imaginary euro**.
82		-
83		-If you cannot afford it, your queen becomes a bishop for one turn.
84		-
85		-=== 10. Castling ===
86		-
87		-Castling is allowed normally.
88		-
89		-But you must announce:
90		-
91		-**„UMZUG!“**
92		-
93		-before moving.
94		-
95		-If you forget, the king and rook swap their starting positions instead.
96		-
97		-=== 11. The KLOTZTEn Rule ===
98		-
99		-At any moment during your opponent's turn, you may point at the board and say:
100		-
101		->**„Das ist aber ziemlich geklotzt.“**
102		-
103		-Your opponent must then explain why their last move was strategically correct.
104		-
105		-If their explanation is bad, they lose **one Klotz Point**.
106		-
107		-=== 12. Winning ===
108		-
109		-You win by:
110		-
111		-* checkmating the king, **and**
112		-* shouting **“KLOTZTEN!”**
113		-
114		-If both players checkmate each other's kings simultaneously, the game is declared a:
115		-
116		-== **KLOTZ-KATASTROPHE** ==
117		-
118		-and nobody wins.
119		-
120		-
121		-)))